


In the eyes of the Beholder

by secrets_i_cant_reveal



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Insecure Castiel, Loving Dean, M/M, Mirrors, kinda dirty talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 00:25:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3188897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secrets_i_cant_reveal/pseuds/secrets_i_cant_reveal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean coaxes Castiel to see himself through Dean's eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the eyes of the Beholder

   Castiel had never thought of himself as a sexual being. He was an angel. He had fallen, he had died, he had been resurrected, he had lost his grace, survived on borrowed grace, the whole nines, but at the end of the day, he was still an angel. That was not to say that he did not feel. He felt things, long before he met the Winchesters, felt love for his Father, felt faith in the Lord, kinship with his fellow brothers and sisters. After meeting his earthly charge, he had only felt more and more, anger, amusement, pride, sorrow, sympathy, a medley of emotions all at once, a sudden feeling of being bereft, being empty, felt torn, felt divided. It had taken years and a night of reckless drinking and a sloppy, daring kiss on Dean's part to make him realise what he felt, what he had felt since he laid a hand on the stubborn, monster-slaying hunter - he was in love.

   Only being in love did not realise love. It had taken infinite patience and an almost nagging persistence by Castiel, and Sam, for Dean to pull his head out of his ass to accept Castiel, to give a name to their unspoken relationship. Castiel had to threaten and punch his way into Dean's life and his heart, but it was worth it. Castiel was no stranger to love, the broad, all-expansive love an angel of the Lord felt for his Maker, but he was unused to the deeply human, possessive, partial love that Dean felt for him. He was startled into wordlessness when Dean held his hand under the table in diners, kept insisting that he try hamburgers and cherry pies even though Castiel had no need for nutrition, bought Castiel flowers which 'brought out his eyes' as Dean put it, a phrase Castiel had trouble understanding. He stayed awake, lying beside Dean in his bed long after Dean had fallen asleep, unable to believe that along his existence, he had found himself a lover.

   There was one tiny thing though. The term 'lover' ordinarily entailed a romantic relationship with a sexual element, but Castiel and Dean weren't lovers like that. They slept in the same bed, they kissed often, and passionately, but Castiel had expressed no interest in sex, and Dean hadn't pushed. Castiel had asked if it bothered him, and Dean had firmly denied. There had been too much meaningless sex in his past, he assured. He was in no hurry to pervert this relationship. When they whispered at night to each other, quietly so as not to wake Sam who was often asleep in the next bed, Dean said that they would only have sex when Castiel would willingly initiate it, or not at all.

   Castiel appreciated it. He didn't know how he would deal with it if Dean pushed him for intercourse. Castiel saw Dean for who he was, a hunter with an almost self-destructive protective instinct, a man who bore an unfair share of scars, who hid his pain under a sunny smile and a devil-may-care attitude. He saw a man who had given his all and then some more for his brother. He knew, without being told, that Dean was devastatingly attractive, had a list of conquests longer than his height and could have any number of women even now, and yet here he was, content with a chaste kiss on his lips and a warm shoulder tucked against his, telling Cas he was willing to wait.

   Often Castiel wondered why he was holding out. He was hardly a glamorous diva to be playing hard-to get. When he saw Dean get shamelessly naked for his shower or to change he stared discreetly, then felt like a doof about it because he could have it, he could touch Dean, if only he gave up and asked him once. He couldn't possibly be afraid of judgement; there would be no one happier than Dean if Castiel wanted to sleep together. And it would not be unpleasant. Sexual pleasure was one of God's ultimate gifts to humanity. And Castiel had witnessed countless humans partake in it. The results always seemed beyond expectations.

   One afternoon when Dean and Sam were engrossed in research Castiel slinked away, to a room he had chanced upon when he was exploring the bunker. Like several other rooms in the underground abode it was bare except for a chest of drawers. The only difference was a stretch of windows across the top of the wall on one side which let the afternoon sunlight in, and a large mirror. The mirror stood tall on its claw feet, with an intricate and delicate bronze frame, unattached to the wall or the door. Castiel went into the room and shut the door quietly, walking upto the mirror to stand before it. The room he shared with Dean had the only mirror above the sink, where they could see above the torso and nothing else. Dean didn't even glance into that one all that much. But Dean knew his body, knew it was his body. The only insecurity he ever felt was if Sam commented on the bacon he ate every morning without fail and avoided jogging like the plague. But for Castiel it was different. The body he wore was only a vessel, a male vessel at that. He needed to see if he was worth having a lover of Dean's level of physical beauty, if he had at least half of his own.

   He took the trench coat off first, slowly sliding it off his shoulders and down his arms, letting it crumple at his feet. He undid the knot of the tie, worn backwards as usual, which Dean wouldn't fix for him even though he knew perfectly well how to, mumbling something about 'being too cute to be an angel of the Lord'. He pulled it off slowly, the strip dragging around his neck before he dropped it on the trench coat. He didn't understand why he felt the need to drag this out, only that it felt therapeutic. Castiel was all for quick action, fast decisons, so he never got to savour something as simple as undressing. The only time he took his clothes was during bedtime, which he did quickly to stop Dean whining from how cold the bed was without him. He smiled to himself. Over thirty years of sleeping alone and suddenly, Dean couldn't catch a wink of sleep if Castiel din't have his octopus arms around him, murmuring about stars and battles and lonely places in the universe where Castiel went for solitude as Dean fell asleep.

   The door opened, so quietly that Castiel had no chance to recover and dress himself up again. There stood Dean in the doorway, hand on the knob, staring curiously at Castiel half undressed in an unmarked room of the bunker. Castiel felt heat rush to his face as his thoughts scattered, all excuses and reasons vanished into thin air.

   "You playing strip poker with your reflection or..." Dean trailed off, unable to understand. He stepped into the room and shut the door with a click behind him.

   "I was just", Castiel started, unable to continue. He looked down at his feet and at the coat and tie around his ankles, suddenly, inexplicably afraid. He didn't what he was gonna say that would make all this, seem plausible.

   "I can't tell you", Castiel finally stated, looking back up again. "You probably won't understand it, and I'm too embarrased to say", he said. It felt good to say the truth, and his relationship with Dean was all about honesty.

   Dean nodded slowly, even as he took deliberate steps towards Castiel. He stopped before him, noses an inch away, as he gently cupped Castiel's cheek. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to Cas, but you should know that you can tell me anything", Dean whispered, leaning closer to kiss his forehead. He smirked as he continued, lips moving down his face, "You can read my mind, but I can read you, Cas. I can read you like no one can." Castiel tried to kiss him, but Dean pulled away, noses touching like they did just a minute ago. "What's bothering you?"

   Castiel hesitated for only a moment, but he knew it was irrerelevant. He had no secrets apart from those about Dean, and he had no one to tell them to apart from Dean. His eyes met Dean as he said, "I worry that I am not as beautiful as you are."

   Dean was quick on the return. "Cas, come on, that's not..."

   Castiel hushed him. "Let me finish Dean", he said. Dean fell silent. "I see you, and I've seen your past, and while you have admired some men you have never been with any. And I understand the way things work here. Physical appearance is important, and you are one of God's finest creations, perfect, symmetrical, with the most delicate features. Compared to you Dean, I am nothing. My vessel cannot compete with yours. And that is the other thing that bothers me, that my vessel is judged in the same league as yours. I am not in a woman's body. How will you ever want to be physical with me Dean, if I am not even remotely desirable to you?" he finished, voice wavering. Perhaps he was better off not having pointed out this anomaly to Dean, not having ruffled their ongoing relationship. If Dean agreed to what Castiel just said, then it was over.

    Dean simply stared as Castiel finished talking. Castiel stared back, willing him to reply even though he was expecting the worst. They stayed like that for a long moment, until Dean finally broke the silence by saying, "Turn around."

   Confused, Castiel turned to face the mirror again. "Keep looking", Dean instructed in a low voice as he reached for the buttons on Castiel's shirt. Slowly, he started unbuttoning them, one after another.

   Castiel tried to turn around, bewildered, asking, "Dean, what are..."

   "Shh, shh, wait", he said softly, eyes locked on Cas' in their reflection. "It'll be clear in a minute. Don't interrupt me unless you're uncomforatble, okay?"

   Castiel merely nodded as Dean finished with the buttons. His shirt now hung loosely at his sides, exposing a strip of his torso. Dean reached up to his shoulders and slid the shirt down, gliding over his arms as he pulled it off and threw it at the pile at their feet. Castiel watched with bated breath as Dean pressed a wet kiss at the spot where neck met shoulders, sliding his hands back down to meet Castiel's palms, fingers interlocking. The spray of kisses continued, lips moving over the back of his neck, to the curve of his shoulder, dipping into his collarbone.

   One hand left Cas' as it went upto Castiel's throat, something which triggered Castiel's reflexes because it wasa where countless rogue angels and demons alike had held the angel blade, but there was no harm meant as Dean pressed two fingers against Castiel's erratic pulse. His lips, which had been playing with Castiel's hair, kissed his right earlobe as Dean murmured, "Look at yourself, Cas. See yourself the way I see you, through my eyes."

   Castiel lost himself in Dean's words. "When I first met you I never saw you as someone i wanted close to me. You infuriated me, with your Bible talk, and the endless conviction you had in God, and fate, and destiny. But maybe it was fate, Cas, which never let you disappear from my life. And when I saw you, I understood your decisions, your motives, and that you wanted to protect me, no matter what. And that knocked me on my ass, babe. I took responsibility of everything, but i never thought that one day, an angel would stake responsibilty of my life. That's how i look at you, Cas. You're my guardian angel", Dean said, fingers sliding down his throat as Castiel tilted his head back.

   "Dean..."

   "Cas, I meant what I said. We would only get into bed with each other when you wanted to, not before that. It's not beacuse I don't desire you. God", Dean breathed, a finger dipping into Cas' navel, as Cas shuddered and then melted against Dean, "I want you so much i can barely hold back. I touch myself thinking of you in the shower Cas, needing you. I want to feel your skin against mine, your lips against mine, our limbs tangled together, us making love in the hours of morning when the sun is barely up and 'Islands in the Stream' plays on the radio. That's my fantasy Cas, and i want it to come true so bad you can't imagine."

   "Dean", Castiel whined, one hand still locked tightly with Dean's, sweaty and warm, while his free hand snaked back to tug restlesslessly at Dean's shirt. "Take it off, Dean, don't make me say it again." Dean barely moved away, yet the shirt was off in seconds and his hands back on Castiel's chest, touching and teasing. Dean undid the button and pulled down the fly on Cas' pants, then undid his own jeans. Castiel shifted restlessly, feet pressed against Dean's, toes curling into his. "At nights", Dean continues, "when we curl around wach other, it's the safest i have felt in forever Cas. By your side, I fear nothing, no one. You're the one for me. I was made for you, and you were made for me." He slid Cas's pants down his waist, and as Castiel stared at his near-naked reflection and then back at Dean, eyes blown with arousal, lips red from biting down on them, Dean kissed him. Castiel turned in his arms, shoving Dean's jeans and boxers down, then his own underwear, leaving them both naked, hard, pulsing for each other. Castiel's hands wandered Dean's body, overpowered by lust, but Dean still them and turned him around again. Gazing at their reflections, he said, "I'm not done yet."

   "Dean, please, touch me, let's..."

   "Yes baby, yes, tonight", Dean promised, as he slid to his knees, kissing every inch of Castiel's back, to his pale cheeks without a hint of shame. Castiel crumpled with pleasure, sliding down gracefully to the floor as his knees gave way. Dean gathered him up in his arms, throwing his leg over Castiel's lap, entangled together now. Dean continued, even as Castiel gasped heavy breaths listening to his mere words, "Tonight, I don't wanna hold back. I wanna undress you, and kiss every inch of your body, because it's yours, it's not your vessel anymore, and I wouldn't have you different Cas, I want you as a man. I wanna touch your gorgeous hips and your thighs and your neck, cover you with marks", Dean said as Castiel trembled, face pressed into the curve of Dean's neck, "and when you can't stand it anymore, I wanna open you up with my fingers and tongue, slide into you, love you till you're dizzy with pleasure, love you with all I got. And when we're done, I want us to simply start again, I want you inside me. And when we're exhausted, sated, consumed by each other, you will never doubt agin, how much I want you, and how much I love you."

   Castiel, still gripping him tight, finally raised his head to Dean, "Thank you", he whispered. He felt tears in his eyes, but he was smiling so wide his cheeks hurt.

   "Anything for you, angel."

**Author's Note:**

> I began writing and had no idea what to write, but Dean's beauty is an inspiration like no other. Comments and criticism are welcome!! Also prompts too... just whatever. So, hope you enjoyed it!


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